Ladies 5th XI
Quite simply the best team (ignore the number - 5 is maximum stars if you work at McDonalds for any length of time, and we work on the same theory).
The 2005/2006 season was.... interesting for us, we had Monkee captaining a great set of ladies, who before Christmas were somewhat averse to winning, however after Christmas, we realised that it was quite cool to win, and then it all started to go right... we had a massive unbeaten run, and finished in the top half of the table, earning our right to have 'Mid-table mediocrity' engraved on our shot glasses - the End of Season team present.
Hopefully we can continue the winning streak into the 2006/2007 season, and that, as Captain Anne, I won't be too annoying, though I reserve the right to continually harp on about my famous 'availability spreadsheet' and also lecture people on their navigational shortcomings.
League
The Ladies 5s play in the Middlesex Women's Hockey League Division 3.
Fixtures & Results »
Who's who
Captain: Anne Mitchell
Coaches: Ladies 1s and 2s
Latest News
Season round-up 2005/6
We didn't win the league and, unless our league is restructured beyond all recognition, we are probably not going to get promoted. The 5s have settled into a position we affectionately refer to as "Mid-table mediocrity". I'd like to use this opportunity to explore the notion this may be the result of having a captain nicknamed Monkee.
In my first season as captain, I learnt about the importance of games and umpires. In this - my second season - I have learnt that there are two more fundamental requirements for a successful game of hockey: pitches and players.
Finding the correct pitch is of crucial importance to any game of hockey, as I found out on 11th March when the 5s experienced the Game from Hell. We met on time, left on time and got to the pitch on time. Sounds perfect, right? Wrong. We were in Feltham and were playing Staines, in Staines. The next half hour was straight out of Road Trip; a slight detour along the M3, severe lack of petrol, slightly nauseous passenger and a very real threat of my over-sized, chav-tastic tyres exploding later - we turned up one minute before the game would have been given as a walkover. I'm sure it will surprise you to know, we didn't win that game.
Once pitches have been located the next crucial element to a successful game of hockey is having a full team. I have finally learnt that there are 11 players on a hockey team. Members of the 5s can be forgiven for thinking that I may not know that fact, as I managed to carefully organise umpires, directions, goalie kit and vehicles to get to the correct pitch on time for our away game against Southgate. Reading out the squad line-out I suddenly realised something was wrong. I had, in fact, managed to leave a player at the clubhouse (sorry Claire). Surprisingly, having one player short for over half a game, we didn't win that game either!
After crashing from one game to another (and Ali Turnbull can confirm I do mean physically crashing my car on the way to games) I called in some help. Pre-Christmas salvation came from the military style leadership of Kate Simpson (thanks Hon). In January - having realised the benefits of a much more co-ordinated approach to hockey - I nominated a co-captain in the form of spreadsheet wielding Anne Mitchell. The improvement was so marked, the team began to genuinely fear the games I was to captain on the grounds of proven incompetence.
Despite the supervision of more mature individuals I have continued to prove that I was not named Monkee for nothing! This season I have disputed a national level umpire's decision, hurled abuse at an opposition's coach, pimped players in exchange for goalies and drunkenly begged umpires to drive us to our games (sorry Mike).
The good news is that with the introduction of Anne the 5s ignored their somewhat inept captain and embarked on a ten game winning streak. This was marred only by a painful defeat to Hampstead and Westminster, who then proceeded to become the only team ever to come back to the club and eat our teas. Unforgivable in my book of hockey etiquette
When I told the team I was going to share my comedy of errors at End of Season Dinner I was reminded that I only had 3 minutes, which is true. So, to summarise: I have loved every minute of captaining the 5s. They're committed, fantastic, forgiving and fun. They definitely have the talent and Anne definitely has the skills to take the 5s from Mid-Table Mediocrity to the top of the table next season.
Good Luck Anne, and bring it on the 5s!